Wednesday, 6 December 2017

Mystery lovechild - the DNA results are in!

It's that Jeremy Kyle moment, the DNA* test results....

Thanks so much to everyone for joining in with the Mystery Lovechild post; I really had no idea how easy or hard the identification process would be.

If I were going to allocate points for every correct answer, which I'm not, then everyone would get some and Rol would get the most, closely followed by Gram Lynch, whilst CC, Alyson, Marie, Chris and Darcy all guessed some of the suspects too.  And that's everyone who tried, so well done to all!

Here are the answers and the 'proof'...

Adele and Ozzy

I hate to say this, but I keep thinking it's just Katy Perry gone wrong.  I love the fact that CC suggested it might be Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne - just don't tell Kelly!  But it was Alyson who correctly identified that Ozzy's 'other half' here was 'someone like you'.

Joni and Johnny

It seemed an obvious match to me. This coupling's 'daughter' has actually inherited all of John's features, and only has Joni Mitchell's hair and bone structure.  I was kind and shaved off that bumfluff moustache too. There was some speculation about paternity at first, though.  Mrs CC reckoned on Tom Petty, Rol thought Jackson Browne but, as Gram commented, Joni's studmuffin was indeed John Lydon/Johnny Rotten.  Chris could see that one too.

Diana and Jimi

The inspiration for that Supremes song perhaps?  This lovechild might still be wearing her Dad's shirt and haircut, but she's definitely got her Mum's eyes and lips.  Jimi Hendrix's huge hand could've been a bit of a giveaway too.  Marie came straight in here with the correct answer for this, no messing about!

Debbie and Dave

No, not the child of John Travolta and Olivia Newton John as Rol thought, quite understandably.  Gram was quick to identify Debbie Harry, but getting Dave Vanian took a few more attempts (and some damned neat clues) and then only Darcy saw that one.

Madonna and Elvis

I had to do a bit of hair removal and eyebrow reshaping on this, a tricky mix, and the shadows were troublesome.  But is it so wrong that I find myself rather strangely attracted to the result? - you know, that quiffy hair, that smouldering expression, those pretty eyes.  Oh I'm so confused.  So was Rol, it seems, when he first suggested that Elvis might've fathered a child with Marc Almond, though his second guess at Madonna was indeed correct.

Susannah and Brett

This one proved difficult and I think it was only after some heavy-handed clues that Alyson correctly spotted Susannah Hoff's sultry features, as it seems that even cutting a hole in a piece of paper to look through and blank out the distracting parts didn't help in this instance. You never know when it may come in handy again, though, Alyson....   Now, for some reason I got the impression from reading several blogs for a few years that Susannah has an awful lot of fans so, to be honest, I'd expected a quicker response.  It just goes to show what a difference a rugged jawline and a radical haircut can make to even the prettiest of faces. Having an Adam's Apple and flat chest probably doesn't help, I grant you.  Anyway, Rol latched onto Brett Anderson, and I'm sure Darcy knows who he is now!

Barbra and Evan

Let's be honest, it is really quite hard to tell these two apart when you see them side by side.  Their young progeny appears to have inherited Barbra Streisand's distinctive nose and mouth though, and a little bit of her fringe.  Rol correctly identified both Babs and Evan Dando.

Annie and Paul

Look, just because your 59-year old (secret) Dad had a new baby this year with his 30-year old wife, you don't have to look so bloody cross! You've got your (secret) Mum's lovely luscious lips, good hair and sharp suit after all.  Then again, if it's up for question whether your biological father is Eminem as suggested by Rol, or "the boy from Divine Comedy" (I'm sure Neil Hannon will be flattered, CC!) then it might be a bit irksome.  Gram was spot on re. both 'parents' though: it's Annie Lennox and Paul Weller, of course.

So, that's the lot.   Thanks again for playing along with this most peculiar of genetic experiments, I was really impressed by the quick detective work too.   I might even manage some more one day - it got kind of addictive....

*Digital Nerdy Art

Saturday, 2 December 2017

Who is the mystery lovechild?

I've often wondered about these things.   What would that secret lovechild who was born to a famous but unlikely set of parents look like? Say, ones in the music business like, oh I don't know, perhaps Miley Cyrus and Cliff Richard.  Would they have Miley's ears and Cliff's teeth?  Or Cliff''s eyebrows and Miley's nose?

Well, I wonder about these things a bit too much really, so something had to be done, which involved a lot of fiddly cutting and pasting and cloning and stitching in the SDS laboratory after the hours of darkness. (There's probably an App somewhere that does it instantly but where's the fun in that?!)

There were so many options to choose from.  I mean, who (allegedly) had the covert couplings that could have possibly resulted in these strangely androgynous offspring?

I'd love to know who you suspect.  The DNA results will be in next week.









Tuesday, 28 November 2017

But is it art? V

Been a while since I last posted one of these 'But is it art?' numbers.  Just looked it up, nearly four years  - proof that I really am crap at keeping series ideas going.

Then I found something in the garden and I thought... yes... "But is it art?"

So here it is.

Just a lovely big old stone with some lovely big old snails stuck to it, bedded down for the Winter.  I'm just in awe of how particularly beautifully and perfectly they blend into one - it's as if they're part of it, growing out from it.

I took all these photos at the same time but love the way the different angles bring out completely different colours and shades in both the stone and the snails.

The stone is now safely tucked away again with the snails still intact in the hope that they'll survive the cold, as I am stupidly fond of snails - and stones.

It is art, don't you think?

Sunday, 19 November 2017

Rapture (Blondie at Brixton)


That’s the word.   That’s the feeling I had as the music and the cheers and whistles filled my head (and the delightful venue that is Brixton Academy) on Thursday night.  The love in the air was palpable.  As my gig buddy suggested at the end, it felt like the place was flooded with collective endorphins.

Throughout the evening I couldn’t help wondering as I watched her: what must it be like to be that woman on the stage, singing songs from across four decades, there with her ex-partner Chris Stein and fellow long-time band-member Clem Burke, performing to people she’s never met but many of whom have grown up with her?  What must it be like to BE Debbie Harry? And I think I was wondering that in a way I’ve never done before because, for me, it was her (and all of them - their)  real ‘human-ness’ that came across.  All the pictures I’ve looked at, all the magazine spreads, TV appearances and record covers, etc. became secondary because here, in the same room, were the real  thing.  In the flesh.   I felt honoured to share their space.

Yes, I'm going to gush: Blondie were fantastic!

Thursday was quite a big deal for me, to be honest, for several reasons.  Firstly it feels like I haven’t been to a gig in about 100 years; also I’d never been to Brixton Academy before (I loved it).  And Blondie must be the most ‘legendary’ band I’ve ever seen.  I apply that description because it’s at this stage of their career and although I’ve seen one or two other acts who are equally well-known now, I only saw those before they reached that status, with no idea then how the future would unfold for them.  So seeing Blondie on Thursday was the opposite – a band whom I first read about and heard early on in punk days but have only finally got to see all these years on, their fame now long-established.

Debbie Harry is, of course, truly inspiring.  It’s hard to believe she’s 72.  I was worried at one time about seeing her perform for fear of her not living up to what I wanted her to be - it happens.  But there was no need.  She looks, and sounds, as if she could go on doing this for another ten years at least, but the speed with which time passes plus the reminder that we’re all getting on a bit is another reason why I was really pleased to take this opportunity.

I’m not sure I can write a gig review as such, I don't really know how to and I would have had to jot down notes…. well, I was far too occupied being in the moment, happy just to be there and in such good company.   But I'll try and get some things down before it all becomes a bit of a blur...

There were certainly some stand-out points that spring to mind first – like the inclusion of ‘You Gotta Fight For Your Right (To Party!)’  in the middle of ‘Rapture’, and similarly the way ‘I Feel Love’was sigued into ‘Heart Of Glass’ to great effect.  I loved the impressive wigging out and guitar hero antics from the newer band members...

(Matt Katz-Bohen had one of these!)

 ...and some heartwarming spotlight moments on Chris (much respect to him.)  They were all excellent, though admittedly it was hard to take my eyes off Debbie.  I missed some of the detail in her banter and chat;  I’d read that the sound at the Brixton Academy can be a bit muddy due to the high ceiling, and it did affect the clarity.  Added to that was the odd tall person occasionally obscuring my view, so I think I missed one or two focal points as well, although the sloping floor really helped.  But none of that mattered too much, the connection and the presence were real, the adoration flowing both ways.

So all the songs you’d expect and perhaps hope for were played.  ‘One Way Or Another’ was the perfect opener as anticipation of their entrance reached its highest peak, followed by other hits  ('Hanging On The Telephone', 'Call Me', 'Picture This'....)  which were mingled with tracks less familiar to me from the 'Pollinator' album that was released earlier this year.  Everything just flowed... the jubilant energy just carried them, and us too.  'Atomic' really sticks in my mind still, all these hours later.  Then the inevitable encore started with an evocative mood shift via ‘Fade Away And Radiate’, before the uplifting ‘Union City Blue’, finally closing with ‘Dreaming’ - leaving electronic clicks and feedback etc. buzzing through the room while they said their goodbyes.  Glorious.  In between the main set and encore we were also treated to a screening of a collaboration with Joan Jett on ‘Doom and Destiny’.  The whole night was just the right blend of old and new material, all enhanced by the light show and huge video backdrop (special mention must go to the balletic film of a man who gave a whole new twist to the theme of pole-dancing, very homo-erotic!)  And Clem’s stamina was truly outstanding – sure, some might say he’s a bit flashy but, well - we want a show, don't we?  What a relentless, incredible powerhouse of a drummer.  I wonder who walked away with his discarded drumsticks at the end.

It was all being filmed for Sky Arts, but my memories of the gig will be different to seeing it replayed if I ever do, I've no doubt.  This time, at last, my associations with Blondie are characterised by the sensuality of it all, of physically being there, not just seeing them on film, or paper, or hearing them on record.  It's those other random extras that flesh out our memories too - like the two loved-up young men in front of us dancing together and embracing, and that long-forgotten feeling of my feet sticking to the floor as we shuffled out at the end of the night.   The sense of elation that you can only feel, not see.  And will Sky televise her wearing (and twirling) her 'Stop Fucking The Planet' cloak?  I hope so.

I know it sounds corny, but just being there returned me to a state of slightly childlike wonder. It was like being 14 again, even though it's forty years since I was, the same amount of time since Blondie first entered my consciousness.  Perhaps it would be apt to say: it's been a long time.

A warm shout-out to my charming gig buddy too for making it possible and being perfect company - these events are too special not to share, aren't they? 


Quick mention re. the support act, as I was wondering who they'd be: a sharp-suited quiff-haired  three-piece from France called Mustang, who gave us an energetic blend of Gallic pop/rock’n’roll/rockabilly in their native language, but were kind enough to translate their song titles for us (and 'Le Pantalon’ sounds so much better than ‘Trousers’).  Good fun plus they showed great humility and were clearly honoured at being able to open for Blondie, and in return were well-received by a supportive audience.  The whole feel-good factor of the night started with these guys, so all credit to them.

Saturday, 11 November 2017

In the flesh

Well, can't keep it to myself, I'm so excited because I'm going to a very special gig next week.   Not only is it far, far too long since I've seen any live band, it's also one I really ought to have seen decades ago.  But now, thanks to some lovely serendipitous circumstances, it's not too late, and from the sound of things they've also really got their act together again in recent months.

If the title of the post wasn't enough of a clue, here's another...

...a great early live performance of a favourite song

See you there!

Tuesday, 7 November 2017

Pop socks

Over the years I’ve had long drinks, long hair, long weekends, long waits and Long Ryders records but one thing I’ve sadly never had, nor am I ever likely to have, is

L     L
O     E
N     G
G     S

That’s why it surprised me the other day when I tried on some new jeans I’d bought mail order, 'Regular' in length, which is normally plenty, to then find they barely reach my ankles.   I think it’s a thing now - having trousers a bit on the short side.  I mean I reckon they're making them shorter deliberately to suit a fashion trend as, if anything, I'm shrinking too.   I once heard that 'sock porn' is a thing as well, where you expose the naughtiest glimpse of sock – a flash, if you like - as a tantalising interface between shoe cuff and trouser hem. 

But showing just the right amount of sock is an art, apparently.  Your socks should be cheekily  revealed when you walk and sit down, but not when you’re standing.   I know.  Who makes this stuff up?!

The art of showing your socks in 1976.
Can you tell what the album is?

Arctic Monkeys: Knee Socks

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Scary scary night

Some while back I used to join up with a couple of friends a few times a year to go to gigs.  The problem was that we all lived miles apart so we had this convoluted way of meeting up.  I’d drive down from Suffolk to Pete’s house 50 miles away, then he’d take us to South Mimms motorway services to meet Tim who’d driven down there from Northants.   Then Tim would chauffeur us into London to the gig. 

So, getting there was fine.  And having a couple of decent gig buddies for company was absolutely great.  The part of the evening that really got to me was that third leg of the journey back at the end of our night out, the one where I had to drive that last bit home, alone through the early hours along mostly deserted country lanes.

Weary and frequently cold but not wanting to put the heater on in the rattling old Polo in case it sent me to sleep, that drive always seemed twice as long as it had been outbound.  The landmarks by which I calibrated my journey all started to blend into one.   But worse was the effect of my tired and over-active imagination. I had to fight with the more ridiculous fantastical fears that lurked in the back of my mind but which, in these dark and lonely conditions, gathered their own energy and jostled for space right up at the front, doing the stupidest things like turning lightning-struck trees into petrified witches, the shadows of road signs into gallows and kerbside shrubs into eerie, hunched over figures.  I can't tell you how many times I wondered why someone would be crouching motionless by the verge in the middle of nowhere at 1.30 in the morning. ... 

I never came across that lunatic axe murderer or the ghost of a headless horseman (of course I’d have told you by now if I had, it’d have been far more interesting) nor had an experience like Morrissey did on Saddleworth Moor. but by the time I arrived home it felt like it had taken all my strength to stay focused on the road and the radio and the promise of a warm bed at my destination, without thinking I’d witnessed something terrifying along the route.

Country lanes and empty fields are indeed beautiful on a sweet Summer afternoon but why is it that after midnight they transform into something far more sinister?!

Happy Hallowe’en….

John Atkinson Grimshaw - the master of a spooky moonlit scene

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

Asperger's and Chris

I've just caught up with an excellent TV programme which, for reasons I can't really articulate, made me strangely tearful at times.  I was moved - moved by the nuances, moved by one or two things I felt in common, moved by the honesty, moved by the love of nature, by attitudes towards mental health and why we should value our individuality.  Just moved.  The programme was Chris Packham: Asperger's and Me.

You may already know from things I've mentioned before here that I feel great affinity and admiration for Chris Packham.  It's for many reasons - his deep love of nature is at the fore, but also his sense of outsiderness, his admission of social anxiety, and of course his musical and sartorial tastes.

I think a lot of us have a sort of autistic streak to one degree or another.  Not enough to affect our ability to function normally but perhaps enough to make some aspects of life trickier than we envisage it being for our peers.  Maybe just the merest hint of it, maybe not even something noticeable to anyone else, but the horrible feeling you get deep inside when you don't want to go to that party, or that wedding, or that work do, or whatever it is where everyone expects things to be a certain way and that way just isn't you.  When you feel in the minority - or maybe completely alone - for whatever reason, be it your interests, or your level of enthusiasm for something, or your lack of  enthusiasm for something else.  Where you don't feel you can fit in, because everyone else seems to do so with ease and so you must be the odd one out.  When you have to adapt the way you express yourself, when you tone down your inner voice that wants to rave about its weird passions that nobody else seems to get.  I think here, in this corner, it's a safe place.  But in the wider world it's sometimes hard to navigate.  Sometimes you have to fake normality.  Is that some kind of autism, being a bit unusual?  I don't know.  But I know that a lot of what Chris spoke about in his programme was absolutely relatable.

I'm pretty sure my dad would be diagnosed as having Asperger's if he were to undergo analysis.  An incredibly brainy, mathematical, logical man, he has no idea how to behave socially, how to dress or present himself conventionally, how to even be a 'true' father to my sister and me.  He's awkward, disconnected.  I see him in myself at times and I have to work at it.  I forgive him his inability to communicate normally with his own offspring.  It's just the way he is, and it doesn't make him bad.

My mum - very sociable and gregarious - was affected by mental health issues (clinical depression) and what with my dad... well, perhaps that's why I was precocious and difficult for a few years, maybe it's in that odd combination of genes!  I was happy to spend hours, days, on my own in my bedroom drawing, writing, reading.  My head was nearly always in a book - or making books of my own.  Or crouching outside on the step watching ants, studying woodlice, feeding lettuce to snails.  Hating new clothes, hating change.  Refusing to eat the baked beans that fell off the toast. Keeping a collection of butterfly cocoons in a plastic box.  Having to get back to my bedroom before the toilet flush stopped making a noise for fear of something bad happening if I didn't.  Daydreaming far too much.  It all kind of broke when I became a teenager. And then punk spoke to me, music and style and gigs and kindred spirits gave me an outlet.  It's okay to be a bit weird - embrace it.  You can be creative with clothes!  You can be creative, full stop.

Punk spoke to Chris Packham as a teenager too - it's easy to see why.

I really recommend watching it, if not already.  Here's the iPlayer link:

Thursday, 12 October 2017


 “More parsnips than I know what to do with!” laughed the man as he showed off his basket of home-grown vegetables.  And there’s nothing wrong with that, except….  



… “It’s all so twee!” I found myself saying.

Honestly, I think I said it out loud on my own in the room. The reason being the man with his too many parsnips was in a TV advert for over 50s life insurance and that meant it was aimed at....(braces self)  And maybe you too, either you now or the person you’ll be in just a few years’ time. 

I should add, it wasn't really the parsnips.  It was everything.  It was these advertisers' convenient vision of the over-50s – all pelmets and trugs and an oh-so-gentle sense of humour.   All tweed, velcro and lacy doilies. I felt so patronised!  I can’t bear being patronised and, oh god, I know it’s only going to get worse.  Fuck it. 

I’ve nothing against growing parsnips, just so you know.  You’re very welcome to show me your parsnips or any other homegrown root vegetables for that matter.  In a trug.  And I know all ads for any demographic are horribly generalised and broad, whether you're a teenager or a woman or a cat-lover or whatever, but it seems that the stereotypes for ‘older’ people simply haven’t been adjusted in decades.  They're more like a vision from the '50s than a vision of our 50s.  It’s as if once you pass 49 you instantly become some sort of sub-species, inoffensive and chintzy and dressed only in beige.  

These are not people like my peers and me - people who still go to gigs, or who like wearing pointy shoes, or who still have their old Joy Division albums in a dusty box in a room with an Andy Warhol poster on the wall, etc.  Insert your own version here.

(Note to advertiser: those parsnips can be inserted elsewhere.)

Monday, 9 October 2017

Where the wild things are

There, under a large pot I moved this morning, was a beautiful, tiny newt. 

The woodlouse on the far upper right gives
some idea of scale

That’s why I leave this place a little wild.  Sometimes part of me feels a bit ashamed of my garden, because I know it doesn’t conform, it's not beautiful or tidy or planned, but then I have to remind myself:  it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. 

I leave this little outdoor space pretty much to its own devices, with the minimum of maintenance, and I know that it looks like I can’t be bothered.  But I just don’t want to bother all the wonderful things in it that are doing very well without me.   I don’t want to bother – as in trouble, or disturb - the perfect cycle of nature, the happy micro-world within its boundaries. 

For me the rewards are all I could ever wish for.  Like that beautiful newt, an unexpected find, the first I’ve ever seen here.   And like the hedgehogs that visit every night.  The things they leave behind – nearly always in the same place – are the next morning’s confirmation of their fruitful foraging and, I know it sounds bizarre to get a buzz from seeing hedgehog shit, but I really do get pleasure from that proof.  Like this one, so conveniently left for me directly on a leaf!

(I promise I won't make a habit of 
sharing my animal droppings)

It’s true, I spend a good ten minutes every morning searching for and then burying numerous little hedgehog turds.

Last year, the evidence of one sleeping under piles of twigs and cuttings beneath the hedge was the sound of it snoring.  Actually, a bit more than snoring; it was also emitting a noise that I can only describe as being like a Smurf with a smoker’s cough.  A hedgehog with a cough isn’t a good sign, meaning it may have lung-worm, but this one seemed to be doing okay.  Then one day in late Summer I heard something else  – some squeaking and snuffling and… a kind of suckling sound. Hearing this every day for a week or so, it dawned on me that she may have had babies…

…She had.

One of last year's hoglets

I can’t tell you how ridiculously happy it makes me to think a hedgehog chose to give birth and wean her young here.

Unplanned flowers and herbs proliferate too.  Lemon balm and feverfew grow of their own accord, wherever they like, along with pink and purple toadflax.  Forget-me-nots grow in the cracks in the ancient paving. Strong-smelling calamint blooms long into the Autumn, self-seeding on the path, where I leave it to brush against my ankles amid honeybees and butterflies.  Nettles are great in so many ways - I leave a good patch of nettles, and at this time of year so many of their leaves have been neatly folded up by caterpillars, sealing themselves inside with silk threads.  A bramble bush compensates for its outrageously sharp thorns with its long season of luscious blackberries. Vast mats of clover creep over the old concrete patio, plumptious woodpigeons peck at its leaves, bumble bees are drawn drunkenly to its heady scented flowers.  Ivy shelters gorgeous, huge garden snails and secretive wolf spiders.  Buddleia and honeysuckle do their own thing,the knock-on effect of their nectar’s attractiveness to small insects bringing in low-flying bats and swallows at dusk to scoop them up.

Dandelions in Spring are as pretty and bright as any cultivated plant, so why not leave them? Goldfinches which, like great spotted woodpeckers, look far too exotic to be British birds, cling to their long stalks bending slowly under their minimal weight, and pull at the flowers methodically, filling their beaks with the delicate seed heads, then depart with a tinkling chirrup, as if to say “Thanks!”

There are bank voles, woodmice, shrews.  A stoat appeared one day, as did a slinky little weasel looking for prey.  Grasshoppers and crickets....a frog under the shed... exotic-looking beetles with bodies that shimmer like jewels prompt me to read up about their species, get educated.  Somewhere below the surface a mole has been digging, I'm stupidly excited at the thought of this mysterious underground visitor.  There's no neat lawn to disrupt, so it doesn't matter. Blackbirds and dunnock chicks hatch in their nests, secure in the overgrown hedges where the sparrows roost en masse at night, treating us to a late afternoon chorus of quite unbelievable volume.  What are they chatting about?! 

Everything’s a mess and everything’s alive.   I wouldn't want it any other way.

Monday, 2 October 2017

A bloody mess

Sorry it’s been a good few weeks since I’ve posted anything; no particular reason, just one of those phases when I’m not “feeling it” when it comes to writing - another temporary block perhaps.  And life, of course, puts other things in front of us, not that any of mine have been very interesting lately.

Today was a little out of the ordinary,  though!  I expected to be spending it drawing dragons for a new book, and if that sounds like a lovely way to spend time, I can confirm that indeed it is.  I love drawing and I love dragons.  I didn’t expect instead for Mr SDS to come home very early with blood all over his face.

Apart from numerous cuts and a swelling under his eye which looks like someone’s slashed it open and stuck an avocado stone under it, he’s okay - nothing got broken and he didn’t pass out after he smacked the gravel full pelt when he tripped and fell directly onto his cheek.   My dragons went on the backburner (probably quite appropriately) and I took Mr SDS to A&E.  His face was a bloody mess.

The NHS is wonderful.  I can't bear the thought that we could ever lose it; I’d happily pay more in NI, tax or whatever was needed to help keep it. And of all the things that could warrant a trip to A&E, something everyone surely dreads, it really wasn’t so bad.

Waiting in there for three and a half hours wasn’t so bad either, if you can find your own amusement.  It seems we were in stellar company, for among the names being called out there was a Tony Curtis, a James Dean and an Alesha Dixon.  What are the chances?  Of course none of them looked like their namesakes but I couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to be in some kind of surreal Celebrity A&E Waiting Room.

 “I’ll have to mention this in a blog post,” I said.  And so....... !

Take care, everyone.

Saturday, 9 September 2017

Nightboat to Northants

I’ve just been granted exclusive permission to publish a photo of someone whose name has appeared here several times over the years...

...Mr SDS. 

Here he is in 1981.  A bloke in creepers and a 'We Are All Prostitutes' T-shirt sitting on a folding chair by a river may not be as extreme as teenage goths grimacing on the beach in those ‘Embarrassing Family Photos’ websites, but still I love the way it looks a little out of place. I snapped him squinting in the Summer sun as the morning light bounced off his fluorescent pink socks, androgynous post-punk hair blowing in the breeze against a pastoral backdrop in the middle of nowhere.  (The middle of Northamptonshire, as it happens.)

That’s how it was, though, wasn’t it?  Holidays, weddings, funerals, etc. were difficult when it came to dressing ‘appropriately’.  We wanted to wear what we always wore and (of course) what we wanted to be seen in.  Which was at least appropriate to who we were and what we were into, as deck shoes and shorts had never been in our wardrobes.

A slightly better view of that T-shirt

The Pop Group: We Are All Prostitutes

I took that photo the first time we went away together.  We didn’t have much money, still lived at home with respective parents, but for a nominal donation we were able to borrow a little narrowboat for a couple of days from my mum's friend.  It was moored at a campsite in a place we’d never heard of called Thrapston.

The saffron yellow, bone-rattling, ex-Post Office Viva van got us there somehow.  Mr SDS had only just passed his driving test and I couldn't drive at all; I tried to read the map the right way up while he did his best not to show his inner panic.  We made it unscathed through Bedford anyway, which was quite a triumph.

Smells make memories, don’t they?  And if I ever smell that disctinctive whiff of paraffin now I find myself right back on that boat, sitting on the foam-cushioned bench seats (which disappointingly only converted into single beds with several feet between them) eating Heinz Sandwich Spread on Crackerbreads.   Weird, but I really remember that detail.  Sandwich Spread may have the colour, taste and consistency of sick, yet in 1981 eating food not bought by our parents in unfamiliar waterborne surroundings with my boyfriend was so exciting that I managed to keep it down.

More exciting, though, was just listening to the radio there. We heard a lot of chart singles such as  Kim Wilde 'Water On Glass', The Specials 'Ghost Town' and Tenpole Tudor 'Wunderbar'... they are the sound of that place to me still, the sonic equivalent to the smell of paraffin.

Let me take you back to a 1981 Top Of The Pops for a moment as a reminder:

I really liked Kim's boyish image

Then we listened to Richard Skinner’s evening show which usually featured a band in session.  That night will forever be associated with Soft Cell:

Soft Cell in session, Summer 1981

I remember thinking the last song 'Youth' was really something.

'Don't hide the photos
Or turn off the lights
I'm quite sure we've both seen
Funnier sights'

(People used to think Mr SDS looked a bit like Marc Almond; he was once offered a freebie jar of Dippity-Do hair gel by an older stall holder at Camden Market on the strength of it.)

It was when we wanted to go to bed that the spiders appeared.  Dozens of them. Every corner, every crevice, the low lamplight casting monstrous 8-legged shadows against the wooden panels.  Big fat juicy ones and long-legged spindly ones, stripey ones, ones with bodies that looked like baked beans and hairy varieties too.   It seemed to take forever to carefully flick each one out the window with a Queen's Silver Jubilee themed tea towel.  Thanks to that I conquered my fear of spiders, so much so that long-time readers will know I now actively love them.  But that doesn’t mean I ever want to sleep with them.

You must've heard the apocryphal tale that goes round schools about the couple who get lost on a nighttime drive in the wilderness?  – where the boyfriend gets out to seek help and later the lone girlfriend hears banging on the car roof, which to her horror turns out to be his decapitated head in the hands of an axe murderer.   It came to mind when I was awoken in the early hours that first morning by the mysterious, repetitive knocking on the narrowboat roof.  It sounded very close, very persistent.  Luckily Mr SDS’ head was still intact on the starboard bunk.

What was that noise? 

We’ll never know.

Probably ducks.

Later we wandered out of the campsite and into a time-warp: a grocery store in town, where a plump, rosy-cheeked lady sold us a bottle of Dandelion & Burdock. She was so friendly; I like to think she approved of Siouxsie’s lifesize face staring out from Mr SDS’ chest and my sleeveless Lurex top sparkling in the dusty rays of sunlight.

Strolling back to our moorings, every wooden gate we passed – and there were quite a few - came with a bony old man in a tweed cap attached to it.  Maybe it was the same man, skipping ahead unseen behind the hedges while we dawdled, just to mess with our townie minds.

It's funny how I remember all these odd snippets.  I can never see a man leaning on a gate now without thinking of everything I've described above. 

Did we untie the mooring lines when we got back, fire up the boat's engine and go chugging up the Grand Union Canal with our new-found freedom?  Course not!  There'd have been no turning back.

Sunday, 3 September 2017

Ladybird ladybird

I just spent £7.99 at a charity shop on a little job lot of old books packed in a polythene bag.  How could I resist?!  They were 1960s Ladybird books, which everyone who grew up in Britain during their '60s and '70s heyday would surely, like me, find very evocative, and this was the one at the top:

I love that cover.

It looks like they'd all belonged to a boy called Graham.

They are a bit of a boyish selection, with tractors and cars, etc. - if that isn't too much of a gender stereotype - but Graham obviously liked his machines.

In my childhood home with two quite tomboyish girls (my sister had her Hot Wheels and I adored my clockwork train set), we definitely had the Toys And Games To Make book like the one in the picture.  Pretty sure we tried most of the suggestions in it with things we found in the sticky kitchen drawer.  You know the drawer, every household has one, full of bulldog clips, candles and miscellaneous hardware that “might come in handy one day” .  It definitely had corks and matchboxes, so we did alright. Ours smelt of rust and chocolate wafers for some reason too.

Hard to imagine many kids being impressed with the ideas in the book now, though...

I especially remember trying this one below and speaking to my sister in her bedroom, all the way from the bathroom:

What, no smartphone?

I've vivid memories too of owning a Ladybird book on how to tell the time, and another on Marco Polo; they all had that same feel, the illustrations very typical of their era.

From this batch, The Story Of Railways has some particularly charming images:

And is that a young Liam Gallagher making an appearance in the Cub Scouts volume?

Anyway I'm going to keep them for a bit - they're a part of history now.  I might even learn something (I mean, I'd completely forgotten what a 'vulgar fraction' is - Maths not my strong point)

And now I've a tenuous excuse to include this song too!

Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood:  Ladybird
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...